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I was trying to work out the cause of the “bloggers’ block” I’ve been experiencing here for the past few months. It’s not a lack of time, even though I could easily use that as an excuse. It’s not a lack of material — I now have fourteen drafts I haven’t finished, and sure three of them are the same topic, but that still leaves twelve topics I could have written about but didn’t.

It’s not entirely due to a lack of motivation. Sometimes I get very motivated to write about something (see the three entries on one topic thing) but much as I try and try I can never get an entry I’m happy with. There’s always something wrong with it. When I try to correct that mistake I find another; when I try correcting them both a third one pops up that I can’t fix without restoring one of the first two. It’s like programming but worse because it’s not. I’m just writing and somehow I can’t get it right.

It’s so frustrating because I know how easily writing used to come to me. Once was a time I updated 38 times in a month. Prior to this lull I updated once every three days and even that seemed too infrequent. Now I can only update once every two weeks, and only about censorship, which is important, but not the entire focus of my blog. Or it’s not supposed to be.

I think the problem is mainly that as time has gone on, I’ve seen this blog as more and more “formal”. I am very disciplined when I write here (or I try to be), which is funny because I’m not much of a discipline kind of person. Every entry has a point, or a goal, and every paragraph is about presenting a point to support it, marching inexorably towards that goal until I’ve reached it. That “Word Count:” field at the bottom of the post box is a nightmare, because every time the number gets above 700 I feel compelled to condense the entry and excise much of what I’m trying to say. If the word count is that high, I’m not being concise enough. It can’t be that there’s simply that much to say, oh no! And if I find I can’t cut it down that much, I won’t post the entry. It’s like I have my own perfectionist demon who won’t let a single flaw slip by. It sucks.

But I only have this problem blogging here, nowhere else. On my LiveJournal, for instance, I write whatever I want whenever I feel like it and I just post it. Almost never publicly — a lot of the time even privately, so only I can read it — but I can post. Freely. I can even enjoy posting. It’s miraculous.

This isn’t a prelude to an announcement of, “I’m not blogging any more.” But I do think I need to step back and just post some damn entries, and not worry, “Will this sound misinformed?” or “Isn’t this too long?” or “Do I seem like some kind of hippie?” I need to chill out. And sure, I could have come to this realisation without bothering to post about it, but that wouldn’t be chilling out. I’m chilling out right now.


One Comment

  1. I did notice that you try to keep this blog formal — and that’s perfectly fine but if it’s becoming something of a problem and something that makes you a tad bit too “careful” about posting stuff and the lack of posts kind of bothers you, maybe you can try to chill just a little bit like you said 😛

    I can totally relate about having topics in mind but never being satisfied with what the written product. Right now, I have 204 published posts and exactly 100 drafts! Most of my drafts are about “heavy” stuff like politics and I end up not posting them because, like you, I don’t want to seem misinformed… that and when you talk about stuff like that, you feel the need to elaborate more and more (so the reader knows exactly where you’re coming from) until it gets to a length when you realize that elaborating was unnecessary because no one has the time to read a 2000 word post (yes, I have a few of those in my drafts).

    Anyway, I’m just blabbing on and on here. Haha I do hope to see more frequent posts from you in the future 🙂

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