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Arr! Today it be International Talk Like a Pirate Day, and in honour o’this grand occasion, I decided to present to ye all the tale of me own Talk Like a Pirate Day, or perhaps I should say the History classes’ Talk Like a Pirate Day, rather’n one solely for meself. Regardless, an amusin’ story awaits those who read past this initial ramblin’ paragraph — helped in no small part by the piratin’ manner in which I’m talkin’. Writin’ smartly, now:

For those takin’ History at me high school, today was a day o’bitter disappointment. Me History teacher, that lowdown stinkin’ liar, promised us all a grand display of piratin’ talk. To start, he’d wanted only to make th’year twelve class write th’event i’their planners, but on account of th’indisputable fact that th’year elevens in that class began t’relive their memories of Talk Like a Pirate Day 2007, he changed his plans. “Avast! As a pirate I can blow that wench’s performance clear out of the sea!” he cried, only a wee bit less pirate-like, since it wasn’t Talk Like a Pirate Day on Monday. “I’ll be a pirate of the persuasion that piratin’ be no barrier to bein’ a good citizen.”

“Arr, ye good-for-nothin’ landlubber!” replied those scallywags of the year twelve History class, in a similarly less pirate-like manner. “Ye can never hope to match the performance t’which we were entreated last year. No buccaneer worth his name has ever been a ‘good citizen’!” Me History teacher, perhaps feelin’ rather put upon, continued t’swear on his life he’d meet th’expectations his predecessor left with us all. He spent the week deep in preparation — at least, that be the tale he put about. We History students, we spent the week lookin’ forward to this excitin’ day, and the dedicated piratin’ we knew would spring thenceforth.

This morn I entered me History class, on the verge o’bein’ late (as usual). “Guys, you know the deal by now. We sit in the front row in this classroom,” went the distinctly un-piratey greetin’ that greeted us, an’ I swear on me life, that quote be unadulterated an’ unedited for inclusion in this here pirate-style entry! Me History teacher said many things in that class, an’ not one of them in that impressive piratin’ style he’d been signallin’ he would follow. Five minutes before the bell rang, indicatin’ our imminent departure from the class, he seemed t’remember what he’d forgotten all along. “Now,” he said, “I have a handout to give you guys.” He passed ’round a stack of papers, tellin’ us all the pirate lingo he’d not been usin’. “Now, avast, ye scallywags, and… stay in your chairs until the bell rings.”

We scallywags were none too impressed with this disappointin’ performance. Where was the promised piratin’? “Oh, jeez… I did think about it, I really did, but in the end… there’s only so many times you can say ‘ye’ before it’s really not funny any more.” Well, that may be true, but it’s been no hindrance to his slideshow promotin’ the values o’good citizenship! That slideshow’s been bein’ unfunny since the bilge-speaker first showed it, and still he be showin’ the damn thing! Even ignorin’ that, he promised the lot of us a grand, impressive display of piratin’, and to deprive us of th’entertainment we’d been promised time an’ time again over th’course o’th’week? That scurvy bilge rat!

And there ye have it: the borin’ tale of my borin’ Talk Like a Pirate Day 2008, dressed up with suitably pirate lingo t’make it seem more excitin’. And don’t ye agree that everythin’ be more excitin’ when dressed up with pirate lingo? Thus I present to ye a challenge: to write for yeself an entry, even a recollection of an otherwise-borin’ day, and to dress it up t’match th’occasion. And no cheatin’! Unless ye feel so inclined, I suppose, but still ye should be feelin’ no inclination t’wards cheatin’: it be so much more enjoyable t’make up piratin’ phrases on the spot! Now, enjoy yeselves, an’ if I might have one final word: arr!

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2 Comments

  1. I almost forgot it was Talk Like a Pirate Day. Now the day is over, though, so I don’t really have much pirate time left. This was entertaining to read in pirate talk!

    Thanks for the comment. 🙂

  2. Avast! I be forgettin’ that Friday 19 marks “Talk like a pirate day”. But now I have a good reason to watch “Pirates of the Carribean” again.

    Next year, I guess.

    Arr!


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